Strange Stories from a Galaxy Far, Far Away
by Anakin McFly
Summary: A collection of pointless, weird and stupid Star Wars short stories. You have been warned... (STORY 3 UP!)
1. The Dark Marshmallow

Disclaimer: Nothing has changed; I STILL don't own Star Wars. If I did, Episode 3 would probably be out by now.  
  
This fic was inspired by 'The Dark Donut', which was written by an anonymous person on the YJK website. Some quotes have been taken.  
  
The Dark Marshmallow  
  
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away  
  
Dagobah  
  
Luke Skywalker stuck his head through Yoda's doorway.  
  
"Master Yoda, Emperor Palpatine requests your presence. He's waiting outside."  
  
"Palpatine, did you say? Hmmm..." Yoda picked up his walking stick and hobbled out of his house. Funny, he had not been able to sense the bad guy. Yoda concluded that he must have been getting old.  
  
Outside, Emperor Palpatine was waiting, holding something in his hand. Yoda approached him.  
  
"Ah, Yoda, there you are."  
  
"Want what, do you?"  
  
"Oh, nothing much. I just thought that I'd like to be friends with you again."  
  
"Oh? Mmm..." Yoda eyed the Sith suspiciously. "Why?"  
  
The Emperor looked uncomfortable.  
  
"Uh, it's just that... last night I was dreaming of all the fun we used to have... like remember that time in the Jedi kindergarten when we were bestest best friends?"  
  
Yoda sighed happily at the memory, and then grew alert again.  
  
"REALLY want, what do you?"  
  
"I'd like to give you this marshmallow as a peace offering." The Emperor opened his fist to reveal a small, pink one.  
  
"AHA! Knew it, I did. Want to poison me, you do. Take the marshmallow, I shall NOT."  
  
"Master Yoda, I am offended! I thought... we might actually be friends again..."  
  
The Dark Lord looked so miserable that Yoda walked up and picked up the marshmallow.  
  
He sniffed at it, examining it closely.  
  
"The Dark Side, I sense in this marshmallow."  
  
"B... how can a marshmallow be Dark Side?"  
  
"Mmm... strange are the ways of the Force," Yoda replied mysteriously, turning the pink thing over with his fingers. Finally, he brought it to rest on his palm.  
  
"Mmm..."  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Mmm..."  
  
Suddenly, Luke ran up, wondering what was going on.  
  
"Yoda?" His eyes widened. "Is that a marshmallow?"  
  
Luke started drooling...  
  
"A marshmallow, it is."  
  
... and suddenly reached forward, grabbed the marshmallow, and popped it into his mouth.  
  
The two Force masters stared as Luke devoured the marshmallow with evident pleasure.  
  
"Taste good, does it?" Yoda asked, concerned for the boy's health.  
  
"Yup." Luke licked his lips.  
  
The young Jedi-in-training then looked up at the Emperor.  
  
"Please sir, can I have some more?"  
  
There was a LONG pause.  
  
Then, shaking his head in disbelief, Palpatine departed from Dagobah, leaving behind one hungry guy and one bewildered Jedi.  
  
The End  
  
I know this fic is kind of pointless; most of my fics are, but please review! Thanks. ^_^ 


	2. Hit the Nose!

As requested, I'm compiling my SW short story fics…

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.  If I did, Episode 3 would be out by now. And so would the DVDs for the original trilogy.

Hit the Nose! 

            "'Hit the nose,' he said, 'hit the nose,'" Hal the pit-droid grumbled.  It wasn't fair.  All he'd wanted to do was to teach that stupid Gungan not to mess around with him, and what did he get in return? Hit on the nose.  What did those guys take him for? Some of them even seemed to enjoy bashing his nose, just to watch him fold up and drop to the floor.  Easily entertained, those people.

            And so Hal sat fuming in his closed up position, unable to move until someone let him.  He wanted to get even with those blasted people who called themselves his masters.  With those people who always seemed to derive great pleasure in the humiliation of a poor droid like him.  And so he thought up a plan for revenge.  Now, all he needed was a chance to put it in action…

            That chance came one month later, but it was worth the wait, Hal thought, as he surveyed his fellow pit-droids working near him.  A whole lot of them.  Clearing his droid throat, Hal drew himself up to his full height and announced in droidspeak:

             "Friends! Pit-droids! Tatooineans!"

            The heads of the other droids turned.  Hal paused.  'Tatooineans'? That didn't sound quite right… The droid searched his memory for a better word, but none came to mind.

            "For years we have been humiliated!" Hal continued.  "Hit on the nose for the simple entertainment of our masters! Because of this, they have control! If they want us to shut up, they hit our nose! If they want us to shut down, they HIT OUR NOSE!"

            Almost every pit-droid in the area was now listening intently as Hal continued.

            "That is our only weakness.  Rid of it, we can take over Tatooine! We can take over the galaxy!" A collective mechanical gasp escaped the audience.  "Yes, my fellow droids, we have the potential for greatness! Let us rise up against our masters! We shall give them a taste of their own medicine! If they hit our noses, WE SHALL HIT THEIRS! Rise up, fellow pit-droids! The road to victory is beckoning to us! Let us make known to this planet, to this galaxy, that we are a force to be reckoned with!"

            Loud droid cheers were heard coming from the crowd.  Hal was pleased.  This was working out just fine…

            "I have a dream," he went on.  "A dream that one day, we droids will be respected! No longer shall we be treated as slaves, for slaves we are not."

            The crowd was silent now.

             "Tonight, we strike." Hal paused for dramatic effect.  "LONG LIVE THE PIT-DROIDS!" 

            "LONG LIVE THE PIT-DROIDS!" the crowd repeated, over and over again, punching their metallic arms into the air as they chanted.

             Outside, a ship mechanic turned to his partner.

            "Do you hear something?"

            His partner, a balding, hard-of-hearing old man, shook his head and they both resumed their work.  That is, until both were bowled over by a rabid crowd of pit-droids.

             "YAAAAAAAAAA!" the droids yelled, swinging fist after metal fist into the noses of the two workers.  Blood spewed out from their nostrils, and the pit droids left them, helpless on the ground, to look for more victims…

~-~-~

            "This just in," a reporter announced over the Holonet.  "Tatooine has reported hordes of malfunctioning pit-droids rampaging their planet.  Their intentions are still unknown, but people have been attacked by these droids, though damage has mostly been limited to the nose area.  This is possibly the largest case of nose bleeding ever reported, but Tatooine spokespeople claim that they have the situation under control.  Meanwhile, to all Tatooineans…" The reporter paused.  'Tatooineans'? Was that the word? She shrugged and continued.  "…to all residents of Tatooine, if you are attacked by one of these droids, just stay calm and hit them on the nose, as this will cause them to cease all activity.  Thank you.  This is Noesie Geet of the Holonet reporting."

~-~-~

            Hal sat fuming in his closed up position.

            "Why?" he yelled silently.  "WHY?"

THE END. 

Please review! ^_^

Simply Sara: Thanks for reviewing! ^_^

Jas-TheMadTexan: Big words? What big words? 

Radred27: Thanks for reviewing!

Irish Bug: Okay… *forces you to continue your fics*

Autumn Took: Thanks for your review! *is running out of things to say*

Gecko Grrl: Sorry, there's no next chapter… but this will do, right?

Libbydia: Fine, see? I DID compile them, just as you suggested. ^_^ Do I get anything for this? *hopes*

Back2theChaos: Yup, I'm writing on…

FatedTears: Good, pointlessness is. Very good. *nods wisely like Yoda*


	3. Kaboom

Disclaimer: Guess what? =D I DO own Star Wars! I crept into George Lucas's office and stole the documents! *waves sheets of paper*… never mind.  That was inspired by one of Jamie McFly's disclaimers…

KABOOM

Something was wrong.  Something was very wrong.  Tara could feel it; a chill crept up her spine as she scanned her surroundings for some clue as to why she felt that way.  But the forests of Alderaan were still.

Something was coming.  Something bad, something very bad.  For a fleeting moment, Tara thought she sensed an evil presence approaching, getting closer by the second…

Her younger brother Dack could feel it too.  Drawing closer to his sister, the boy cast a terrified look at the sky and whimpered in fear.

~-~-~

Meanwhile, up above in the Death Star, Grand Moff Tarkin turned to Admiral Motti.  "You may fire when ready."

~-~-~

For an instant, Tara and Dack saw a brilliant beam of red light up the sky.  The moment passed.  And they were no more… mere bits of dust in the vastness of space as Alderaan, their planet, their home, blew up.

Kaboom.

THE END.

You know what to do… review! ^_^

Jas-TheMaddTexan: Something mental? As in?

Nixiy:  Random is good.

Lord Brocktree: Okay, I made another chapter thingy!

Zimre Fa: Pointless, it is.  Silly, it is too.  But accept your opinion, I will.

Hanakin222: Right! I did!


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